Wellness Blog

You Are Whole All By Yourself. Thoughts on Soul Mates, Broken Hearts, and Love

Posted by Britt Got Fit on May 21, 2016 at 7:30 PM



“And you, you scare people because you are whole all by yourself.”

–Lauren Alex Hooper


Greek mythology provides the foundation of mankind’s longing to connect in order to be made whole. In The Symposium, Plato tells us that original humans were conjoined with their soul mate; having one head with two faces, four arms, four legs, and various combinations of genitalia.


These humans born of the Sun, Earth, and Moon were said to be powerful and prideful. The gods believed them to be too powerful for comfort and sought to destroy humanity. As a solution Zeus proposed that the gods split each being in two. From then on, half humans would roam the Earth longing and searching for their other half to be made whole again. A humbled shadow of what they used to be.


We’ll find variations of the same story in fiction and non-fiction across many cultures; Adam searching for his help meet and “rib” in Eve, the damsel in distress waiting for a prince to save her, pious ones praying for God to send their king or queen and so on.


Such beliefs became habit. Such habits became ingrained in our DNA - as we all know thoughts do become things. At that point the origins of this tradition became obsolete. No questions asked. We accept that we, as humans, are born incomplete. We feel it in our gut. We are born longing for something and perceive that it lies just beyond our reach.


Long before our little ones reach double digits we teach them to search for the one who holds the power to complete them. And there lies the trouble with love.


We attach to our distorted idea of love and go insane by definition; a stranger to yourself with the weight of completing another being on your shoulders. Or perhaps you are the oppressor. The one who cries, “Leave me and I’ll die!” to your exhausted partner. I’ve been both.


Sam Keen explains this phenomenon in The Passionate Life: Stages of Loving,


“To the degree that we are faulted, we are motivated by our fear of deficiency rather than our trust in sufficiency. Our love precedes more from trying to fill the hole than by allowing the whole to fill us. We become obsessed with what is missing rather than what is given, with the past rather than the present, with the wound rather than the gift. What we call “love” becomes searching (in vain) for what (we imagine) we lack – a father or mother who would love us enough. The vacuum forms the icon of our desire. The more we force a lover, a wife, a husband, a child, a job, a cause, a thing, or a drug to try to fill the void, the more that “loved” one becomes a misplaced focus for Eros, an idol that will inevitably disappoint us, and which we will come to hate.”


How many have we hated?


How many times have our hearts been broken?


How many times have we wandered into darkness to collect the pieces of our shattered spirits from strangers who lacked the capacity to love us whole?


How many times did we think “love” would destroy us?


How many times have we crawled and begged – shape shifted to become worthy of someone else’s “love?”


Take a look in the mirror beauties; we are whole all by ourselves.


Let love BE.


Become love by knowing (yourself).


Love can only be given and received from a whole place and from a place of knowing, never taken by force or fashioned from figments of our imagination. Love is. It is not a projection. It exists outside of expectation. If one loves for gain, then (s)he does not love.


“Remember: Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you, as deeply as they’ve met themselves.” – Matt Kahn.

Categories: Fitness + Motivational

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